The Golden Rule
by StaySeated
Summary: Tony Stark does not share. Ever. It is a rule known by everyone. Except one day Bruce messes with Jarvis and lives to tell about it, leading the Avengers to modify the Golden Rule: Tony Stark does not share with anyone except Bruce Banner. Ever. ScienceBros.


_My first foray into the world of The Avengers... I am not, however, a stranger to fanfiction or writing in general. _

_Also a first in terms of ScienceBros/Boyfriends. I ship them, as well as StarkSpangledBanner, very firmly. I hope I do them justice. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel, The Avengers, etc. _

_Enjoy._

* * *

Tony Stark does not share.

This is a well-known fact. Pepper Potts knows it, Colonel Rhodes knows it, and the rest of the Avengers have slowly found it out through trial and error because Tony Stark keeps what is his and cares for it until he can't any longer.

Jarvis is his, the tower is his, the Iron Man suit is his, the Arc Reactor is his, all of his alcohol is his, and- a recent aquisition- Bruce Banner is his. Oh yes, Bruce is _definitely _his, no matter how much he protests.

General Ross learns this the hard way after uncovering the whereabouts of Bruce and attempting to retrieve him. Needless to say, Tony put a stop to that really fast. Bruce is _Tony's_, not some psycho-government-lackey-hell-bent-on-revenge's. Bruce agreed to stay at the tower, so Tony will make sure that he actually _does _stay there. And, if Tony has anything to say about it, Bruce will never see the inside of a secret government lab again. Well, he'll never see the inside of a secret government lab that isn't funded by Stark Industries.

Pepper is also his. Fury learned this the hard way after attempting to order her to run off and get coffee. After the words left Fury's mouth, Tony went into total bitch-fit mode and promptly tore Fury a new one.

"Oh no, no, no." Tony barked at the man, slowly advancing toward him. "That woman right there?" A single finger pointed at the red-head. "She is _mine_. She runs my company, my life, and she gets my coffee. Not. Yours."

He huffed and sat down next to Bruce, who attempted to sooth him with a package of yogurt covered blueberries. It didn't work.

"Pepper!" Tony called a moment later. Pepper walked over and smiled at him indulgently.

"Yes, Mr. Stark?"

"One coffee!" Tony announced, and then added. "Uh, please. Also, some sort of herbal shit for Bruce."

"Will that be all, Mr. Stark?" She was still smirking.

"That will be all."

Tony barely managed to refrain from sticking his tongue out at Fury who was, to say in the least, not amused.

* * *

The Avengers learn quickly not to toy with Tony. He clearly lacked a few essential life lessons in the sharing department. While he might have been a grown man, he was extremely susceptible to temper tantrums. Also, he had a very dangerous suit of iron at his beck and call. No one tried exceptionally hard to piss him off.

No one except Clint Barton.

Clint was another being that had clearly not been taught a few key lessons, one of which being: don't piss off the people that control your air vents. After stealing some of Stark's favorite blueberries, Clint had climbed into his favorite vent only to find it coated in superglue. It took several SHIELD agents to retrieve that section of ventilation system from the tower and then unstick him.

His hands still hurt.

* * *

Each of the Avengers learned, on their own time and in their own ways, not to mess with what was Tony Stark's.

Which was why, when Bruce was found messing around with Jarvis, each Avenger was equal parts horrified and worried for their fellow Avenger's safety.

"Friend Banner." Thor said tentatively. "I fear that tampering with the voice from above may not result in the most pleasurable of consequences. Friend Stark seems to be fond of it."

"No worries, guys." Banner muttered. "I'm just trying to fix this glitch in the security systems. The cameras in the bathroom were all on and recording."

While Natasha slowly turned red and muttered (in Russian) several plans to castrate Tony in several unpleasant ways, Clint took his turn attempting to save Bruce.

"Thor's right, Bruce. Tony got really pissed when I messed with his blueberries last month, just think what he'll do if he catches you messing with _Jarvis. _And I think he may have turned those cameras on on purpose."

"I know he did." Bruce told them. "That's why I'm turning them off."

"That's why you're turning what off?" Tony asked, striding in through his hydraulic sliding doors. He carried a silver package of blueberries which he picked up and popped in his mouth nonchalantly.

The Avengers looked at one another wide eyed and backed away slowly, preparing for another "Tony flip-out".

"The security cameras that you set up in the bathrooms." Bruce said, not pausing in his endeavors.

Tony frowned at him and each Avenger held their breath.

"Bruce." He finally whined. "You're ruining all my fun!"

"And you are invading the privacy of everyone in this building." Bruce remarked. "Jarvis, make sure he doesn't do that again."

"Yes, Dr. Banner." Jarvis repeated.

"Done, Brucie?" Tony grumbled.

"Quite." And Bruce promptly reached over to snag a few of Tony's blueberries. Clint's eyes practically fell out of his head.

"_Did you see that 'Tasha?_" Clint hissed. Natasha merely nodded.

"So, what are you all doing in my lab?" Tony asked, looking mildly threatening. "Haven't I told you _specifically_ not to touch anything."

"We didn't touch anything." Natasha assured him. "We were actually just leaving." She grabbed the back of Clint's shirt, said man being too enthralled by the ease in which Bruce stole several more of the coveted berries, and dragged him behind her out of the lab. Thor and Steve followed dutifully.

"She telling the truth, Bruce?" Tony said suspiciously, handing the bag of blueberries over to the eager man.

"Yup."

And they commenced the science.

* * *

After that encounter, the Avengers modified the "Tony Stark does not share. Ever." rule to "Tony Stark does not share with anyone except Bruce Banner. Ever."

Bruce could eat all the blueberries he wanted, mess with Jarvis as many times as he wanted, and still live to tell about it.

Bruce was Tony's, after all, so he could do anything and get away with it.

Except leave.

But that's a story for another day.

* * *

_With any luck, I successfully capture the bro of their science. I do ship Science Boyfriends, and if I do a sequel it will probably contain a little more of the romance stuff._

_So please tell me if a sequel sounds good, and go easy on me... this isn't meant to be a serious one-shot. It's silly and (borderline) parody. _

_Please review. Thanks for reading. _

_11/6/12 Edit: _

_Sequel is called Tony Knows. Now posted. _


End file.
